Elena, if i heard you right, here is also a fundamental value of "feeling at home" that one receives though food.
My story is that I painfully missed mom's cooking in the first years of living in another country. Every time i came home i asked mom to make mashed potato- slush ( it is potatoes mashed with so much milk and butter, that spreads on a plate) with chicken that made me feel like i belong here, I am home.
When my kids gather at home, they ask for chilli con carne that my sister taught me years ago. But I dare say, they will be disappointed after eating chilli con carne in the best restaurants (for the first 2 years :) just because it is not the taste like home.
Sometimes food is just food, that creates shared emotions is what helps me to feel like I belong?
Totally, Natalie! Food - smells, tastes - is such a shortcut to memories! To emotion. That may be why it is so jarring when others judge what and how we eat. it is as if their judgement cuts at that very connection between us and our people, our place, our sense of home. I so appreciate your reflection!
I loved reading your personal stories, Elena! It struck me too how food is often our first language of care, and yet it can also be our first language of judgment! Maybe part of belonging is learning how to offer the same generosity we show to familiar foods to unfamiliar people ♥️ To answer your question: Lately, I’ve been sending people questionnaires before we do any in-person work / retreats / meetings, etc. I ask them questions about their food preferences and I think taking this step up front helps people feel more seen and avoids any uncomfy conversations in the moment. I also enjoy learning more about people and their preferences through this step. Thank you for writing this. Xoxo
I love, "Maybe part of belonging is learning how to offer the same generosity we show to familiar foods to unfamiliar people." You're such a beautiful writer, Anna. So acutely noted.
Elena, beautiful piece of writing and I think the engagement here speaks to how uniting the topic of food can be. But I also have seen the shameful and othering side of food especially when traveling. When we spent time in Ecuador, their delicacy is Guinea Pig which felt like a stretch to engage with, but accepted the offer out of curiosity. Our recent travels to France had us thinking about the quality of food, especially things like fresh pastries. The hyper packaging in the US seems to have multiple negative impacts: waste, degrades quality, and loss of nutrition. I get dirty looks from people at the supermarket all the time when I put my produce directly onto the checkout line sans plastic bags. I also appreciated your notes on preserves and bone broth - both of which I’m proud to say are part of our home practices and help me to feel more connected to the earth.
So, I appreciate you raising this because I did not. I think it is one thing not to shame people for what and how they eat, and another to expect them to eat what and how you do. I am all for the former and not keen on the latter! Seems like you and I are for less judgement, all around.
Megan, thanks so much for your reflection! What you experienced in Ecuador I have also experienced so often when asked to eat scorpion, frog legs, bugs, etc. They actually eat dog in Vietnam, for example. But cows are so sacred in India that they roam the streets like the most empowered creatures imaginable!
Elena, thank you for your stories. And thank you for such a challenging question. I agree with Anna in that discussing food preferences is the first "small talk" that helps feeling belonging to a group of people. Whenever we plan our girls getting together the first question is "Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Italian, Georgian?" Last choice was Greek food ;) So food is a uniting experience, whenever one has learned to appreciate the variety of flavors and textures.
But i don't and will not build friendships with people who make food a religion (look down on people who eat meat, on those, who eat anything that was alive, on those, who don't eat meat, on those, who eat sugar, ets. ) For me it is a stronger signal for no relationship, than if a person prefers popcorn instead of salted sunflower seeds when watching a movie : )
What are some of your ideas to use food to help more people feel like they belong?
What are some of your examples of feeling "othered" on the basis of food?
Elena, if i heard you right, here is also a fundamental value of "feeling at home" that one receives though food.
My story is that I painfully missed mom's cooking in the first years of living in another country. Every time i came home i asked mom to make mashed potato- slush ( it is potatoes mashed with so much milk and butter, that spreads on a plate) with chicken that made me feel like i belong here, I am home.
When my kids gather at home, they ask for chilli con carne that my sister taught me years ago. But I dare say, they will be disappointed after eating chilli con carne in the best restaurants (for the first 2 years :) just because it is not the taste like home.
Sometimes food is just food, that creates shared emotions is what helps me to feel like I belong?
Totally, Natalie! Food - smells, tastes - is such a shortcut to memories! To emotion. That may be why it is so jarring when others judge what and how we eat. it is as if their judgement cuts at that very connection between us and our people, our place, our sense of home. I so appreciate your reflection!
I loved reading your personal stories, Elena! It struck me too how food is often our first language of care, and yet it can also be our first language of judgment! Maybe part of belonging is learning how to offer the same generosity we show to familiar foods to unfamiliar people ♥️ To answer your question: Lately, I’ve been sending people questionnaires before we do any in-person work / retreats / meetings, etc. I ask them questions about their food preferences and I think taking this step up front helps people feel more seen and avoids any uncomfy conversations in the moment. I also enjoy learning more about people and their preferences through this step. Thank you for writing this. Xoxo
I love, "Maybe part of belonging is learning how to offer the same generosity we show to familiar foods to unfamiliar people." You're such a beautiful writer, Anna. So acutely noted.
So grateful for your insight, Anna!!
Elena, beautiful piece of writing and I think the engagement here speaks to how uniting the topic of food can be. But I also have seen the shameful and othering side of food especially when traveling. When we spent time in Ecuador, their delicacy is Guinea Pig which felt like a stretch to engage with, but accepted the offer out of curiosity. Our recent travels to France had us thinking about the quality of food, especially things like fresh pastries. The hyper packaging in the US seems to have multiple negative impacts: waste, degrades quality, and loss of nutrition. I get dirty looks from people at the supermarket all the time when I put my produce directly onto the checkout line sans plastic bags. I also appreciated your notes on preserves and bone broth - both of which I’m proud to say are part of our home practices and help me to feel more connected to the earth.
So, I appreciate you raising this because I did not. I think it is one thing not to shame people for what and how they eat, and another to expect them to eat what and how you do. I am all for the former and not keen on the latter! Seems like you and I are for less judgement, all around.
Megan, thanks so much for your reflection! What you experienced in Ecuador I have also experienced so often when asked to eat scorpion, frog legs, bugs, etc. They actually eat dog in Vietnam, for example. But cows are so sacred in India that they roam the streets like the most empowered creatures imaginable!
Elena, thank you for your stories. And thank you for such a challenging question. I agree with Anna in that discussing food preferences is the first "small talk" that helps feeling belonging to a group of people. Whenever we plan our girls getting together the first question is "Japanese, Chinese, Russian, Italian, Georgian?" Last choice was Greek food ;) So food is a uniting experience, whenever one has learned to appreciate the variety of flavors and textures.
But i don't and will not build friendships with people who make food a religion (look down on people who eat meat, on those, who eat anything that was alive, on those, who don't eat meat, on those, who eat sugar, ets. ) For me it is a stronger signal for no relationship, than if a person prefers popcorn instead of salted sunflower seeds when watching a movie : )
Natalie, thanks so much for your reflections. I agree, if people use food to judge others, it is a wobbly foundation for a genuine relationship.
so insightful